Media Kit
Official Resources for the “Fake News” Media
The Boilerplate
GovPardons.com is the world’s first “Justice-as-a-Service” (JaaS) platform designed to streamline federal corruption.
In an era where consequences are increasingly optional for the elite, GovPardons democratizes access to impunity. By removing inefficient middlemen, such as judges, juries, and ethics committees, we connect consumers directly to Executive Clemency. The site features a Freedom Calculator, a Pre-Pardon Generator, and a Classified Document Marketplace.
“Finally, a tech startup that disrupts the prison industrial complex… by letting rich people buy their way out of it.”
Downloadable Evidence
High-resolution screenshots and logos for your hit pieces. Please attribute all leaks to “Anonymous Sources.”
Official Logo (Transparent)
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Logo with Presidential Seals
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Truth Adjacent Seals
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Homepage Hero Section
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Liability Estimator Tool
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Justice+ Pricing Tiers
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Classified Docs Auction
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The Wheel of Privilege
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About Us / Mission
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Services Menu
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Pardon Stats
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Frequently Asked Questions
Is this site real?
It is a satirical art project. However, the pricing models for buying political influence are based on current market rates.
Can I actually buy a pardon?
Not from us. If you have $2M, please contact a K Street lobbyist. We only sell JPEGs and a sense of disillusionment.
Who created GovPardons?
A small team of citizens who believe that if corruption is going to be legal, it should at least be user-friendly.
MEDIA INQUIRIES
For interviews, high-res assets, or subpoenas, please contact the press office.
support@govpardons.com